I had a dream where I was at a party late at night and my date was Taylor Swift. Now, here's the thing:
This is Taylor Swift, so me having any feelings for her is out of the question, so I was thinking, "is there something going on here?" And then I remembered...
The Reputation concert that I may be going to. I want to buy the VIP in hopes that it comes with a meet and greet so I can show Taylor this review of her latest album to get her thoughts on it (Shoutout to Anthony Fantano) and make fun of her weight at every opportunity that I can so I can feel superior so I won't feel bad about my skinny ass. Coincidence? I think not! So I told my friend about it and he said that if I thought about something a lot, I have a higher chance to dream about it. It made sense to me at first, but then I realized that he likes RiceGum and everyone knows that RiceGum fans are dumb, so I took it with a grain of salt. That, and who thinks of Taylor enough to do things like make a Mii in her honor? Twice? Or dream about her in a cute dress? Anyway, there was something fishy going on, and I was going to get to the bottom of this. Then I remembered something! Taylor's Reputation tour isn't doing so well right now, so then I thought, "Is Taylor somehow implementing herself in other people's dreams to try to convince them to buy tickets?" But then I remembered in the dream, she never hawked any tickets to me or even mentioned the tour to me, just followed me around, being a sweetheart and looking beautiful a greedy snake, am I right, fellow men who like big titty goth chicks? (Hahahahaaa...) so that theory doesn't make sense. Then I remembered something else! A tweet that real sweetheart (although Taylor pulls off dresses better than her) Poppy made recently about her love for the music streaming service Apple Music. And what was Taylor under fire for? Making her discography exclusive to Apple Music before finally she caved and put it back on Spotify and other services. And I had a similar dream with Poppy being my date at a party before the Taylor one. Again, coincidence? So then it made finally made sense, are Taylor Swift and Poppy working together? "Working together to do what?" You may ask? That's where you come in... What are Taylor and Poppy planning? To hawk Apple Music subscriptions to us? A secret government conspiracy? A long and unnecessary rant on some forum that's basically a plug for two Youtubers that I like? Or something that we can't even begin to fathom?
ᴾᶫᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵈᵒᶰ'ᵗ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵗʰᶦˢ ˢᵉʳᶦᵒᵘˢᶫʸ, ˢʷᶦᶠᵗᶦᵉˢ, ᴿᶦᶜᵉᴳᵘᵐ ᶠᵃᶰˢ, ᶜᵒᶰˢᵖᶦʳᵃᶜʸ ᵗʰᵉᵒʳᶦˢᵗˢ, ᵇᶦᵍ ᵗᶦᵗᵗʸ ᵍᵒᵗʰ ᶜʰᶦᶜᵏˢ ᵒʳ ᵃᶰʸᵒᶰᵉ ᵉᶫᵉˢᵉ, ᶦᵗ'ˢ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵃ ʲᵒᵏᵉ, ʳᵉᶫᵃˣ⋅⋅⋅
(God, Taylor looks so hot...)